I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You took a bar mat shot.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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