This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need a burrito and a hug.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
