If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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