somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
