how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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