Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
