You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We are two peas in an std pod
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
