im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize