im six kinds of drunk right now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
