just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
