I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
