They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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