just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
