sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
