I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
