Just cropdusted the office
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
