My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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