I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
