Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
