Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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