first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
