Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my poor anus
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
