I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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