He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
