is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
