my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
