READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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