my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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