How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
