moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Boobs are out for the taking
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
