I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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