So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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