Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize