No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
