also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
