I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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