i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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