There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
