I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
