there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
