Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
