why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
