Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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