Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
