So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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