i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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