The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
