Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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