i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
