the condom got lost in my hair
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
