i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
