Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
