On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
