I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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