WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
