Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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