dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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