Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
