i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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