This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
