I am midnight drunk by noon
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
