Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
