So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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