Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
