hotel room ftw
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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