You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
